Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
