I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
