you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize