I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
