Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
