it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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