Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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