I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
