You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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