I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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