I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
