Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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