I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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