my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
