You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
