Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
