he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
