We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize