Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
