I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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