If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
