Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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