i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize