Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
