This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize