cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
