Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
