Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
