she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
