I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize