Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
