Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
