I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
