So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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