I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
