Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
