i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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