Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
