he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
