I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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