I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
