His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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