I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
