Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need moral support for this bender
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
