I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
