I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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