You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
