I'm sorry my penis didn't work
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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