I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
