Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
