my mouth tastes like poor choices
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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