There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
where am i from again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
