Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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