He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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