so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
