After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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