ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
