so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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