I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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