I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
