I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
