I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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