just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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