i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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