Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
