my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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