I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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