and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Randomize
