i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
