Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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