Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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