You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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